We want to share what may be a useful technique for our times. (We offer no introduction as to why this may be important. It seems obvious.)
Please explore it and see if it may be of help. We found this some time ago in Roshi Joan Halifax’s article, “Practicing G.R.A.C.E.”
In it she describes five steps to be able to expand our ability to be more compassionate and avoid compassion fatigue. She calls her model GRACE. Here are the five elements:
1. Gather your attention.
Pause, breathe in, give yourself time to get grounded. Invite yourself to be present and embodied by sensing into a place of stability in your body. You can focus your attention on the breath, for example, or on a neutral part of the body, like the soles of your feet or your hands as they rest on each other. You can also bring your attention to a phrase or an object. You can use this moment of gathering your attention to interrupt your assumptions and expectations and to allow yourself to relax and be present.2. Recall your intention.
Remember what your life is really about, that is to act with integrity and respect the integrity in all those whom you encounter. Remember that your intention is to help others and serve others and to open your heart to the world. This “touch-in” can happen in a moment. Your motivation keeps you on track, morally grounded, and connected to your highest values.3. Attune by first checking in with yourself, then whomever you are interacting with.
First notice what’s going on in your own mind and body. Then, sense into the experience of whom you are with; sense into what the other person is saying, especially emotional cues: voice tone, body language. Sense without judgment. This is an active process of inquiry, first involving yourself, then the other person. Open a space in which the encounter can unfold, in which you are present for whatever may arise, in yourself and in the other person. How you notice the other person, how you acknowledge the other person, how the other person notices you and acknowledges you… all constitute a kind of mutual exchange. The richer you make this mutual exchange, the more there is the capacity for unfolding.4. Consider what will really serve the other person by being truly present for this one and letting insights arise.
As the encounter with the other person unfolds, notice what the other person might be offering in this moment. What are you sensing, seeing, learning? Ask yourself: What will really serve here? Draw on your expertise, knowledge, and experience, and at the same time, be open to seeing things in a fresh way. This is a diagnostic step, and as well, the insights you have may fall outside of a predictable category. Don’t jump to conclusions too quickly.5. Engage, enact ethically. Then end the interaction and allow for emergence of the next step.
Part 1: Engage and enact. Compassionate action emerges from the sense of openness, connectedness, and discernment you have created. This action might be a recommendation, an open question about values, or a proposal for how to spend the remaining time with this person. You co-create with the other person a dynamic, morally grounded situation, characterized by mutuality, trust, and consistent with your values and ethics; you draw on your expertise, intuition, and insight, and you look for common ground consistent with your values and supportive of mutual integrity. What emerges is principled compassion: mutual, respectful of all persons involved, and as well practical and actionable. These aspirations may not always be realized; there may be deeply-rooted conflicts in goals and values that must be addressed from this place of stability and discernment.
Part 2: End the interaction. Mark the end of the interaction with this person; release, let go, breathe out. Explicitly recognize internally when the encounter is over, so that you can move cleanly to the next interaction or task; this recognition can be marked by attention to your out-breath. While the next step might be more than you expected would be possible or disappointingly small, notice that, acknowledge what transpired. Without acknowledgement of what unfolded, it will be difficult to let go of this encounter and move on.
Source: Practicing G.R.A.C.E.: How to Bring Compassion Into Your Interactions With Others
And, have you thought about joining us this October for a short retreat in the foothills of Tennessee? We will spend four delightful days practicing yoga, eating some of the planet’s most delicious meals, hiking, and being! We will be reminded and encouraged to take good care and to live and love in GRACE.
